Fear. This was the ruler of my life. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of making mistakes. For many years I was afraid of people. My fears turned to shyness and shyness resulted in appearing like a snob. And so, not many people know the real me because I did not let them. Then summer of 2010, God placed me on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic that clearly changed my life's path.
Scared out of my mind, I went on a one week mission trip with a group of 58 people I did not know. This was way out of my comfort zone, as never felt comfortable around people unless I had at least a few close friends with me. To make matters worse, my parents basically forced me to go since everyone in my family was going to be out of town/the country during that time. But the Lord is greater than my fears. He took those fears placed in my heart by the enemy and transformed them into my greatest confidence in Him.
Out of awesome love for Christ and hearts of compassion, a group of people reached out to me. They invited me into friendship and showed me a passion for God that I had never seen before. That mission trip not only gave me a heart for the poor, but it gave me a heart for God. I realized a freedom in God where I didn't have to be afraid anymore. People like me for me because God gave me a beautiful soul. I just have to show it. God took my fears, and through my awesome new friends, He told me I didn't have to be perfect. He set me free.
Fast forward one year and three months. Training camp with 13 strangers ended yesterday, and today we begin our long journey to Kenya. Crazy thing is, they're not strangers anymore. Rather, they are my teammates, friends, and new family. I entered camp determined not to be shy. And I succeeded! I understand now that shyness is not my true nature. I have always been a friendly person, but fear kept me back. The enemy knew my weakness and exploited it. But I have learned to rely upon the strength of the Lord, and I am not afraid anymore. By the power of God, the fear has been driven out of me.
By day 3 of training camp, I could easily talk to any member of my team. By the end, we all feel comfortable enough to share deep stuff with one another. Sounds of laughter can always be heard coming from our table. This reality is so far from any I could have imagined a little over a year ago. With my fresh start, I became someone new on this trip as I said “so long” to my old self. I became free to be me! I am so pumped for this trip! I already love my teammates and can feel the Holy Spirit move among this godly group! Kenya here we come!
