Okay, So I'll be totally honest. These past couple of weeks weren't easy for me. I was struggling with my purpose here in Africa, dealing with my mom being sick back home. Day to day I would struggle with the fact of not knowing what my purpose Is. The feeling of being useless. Frustrated with the language barriers with our translators. Feeling like our words weren't being translated all the way, feeling like our translators taking the spot light on preaching the word. Leaving us feeling like "Uh, hello? Why are we here if you can just talk to them and tell them about God?" Just feeling pretty much useless and frustrated.
Back home things weren't getting any better or things weren't getting any worse with my mom. Things were still the same. I constantly would ask myself why am I here? Did I make the right decision to leave my family? All in all I felt defeated. I felt like God wasn't answering me. Every night I would pray, pray, and pray for God to answer me, for God to speak to me.
On Valentine's Day God answered my prayers. A couple of our teammates secretly decided to make us all homemade Valentine's Day cards. I was so suprised and confused because on both of my cards were the same verses James 1:2-4, but Knowing both of the cards were from two different people considering one was actually from white notebook paper, the other on a pink post-it note. One spelling my name right and the other wrong with a y. About an hour later finally figuring out that Holly, Jenna were the secret admirers. I began freaking out and asking them both if they knew that both of them had put the same verse on each card. Both telling me no they did the cards seperately. Holly, Jenna had no idea they both put the same verse on my Valentine's. I knew from that moment that was not a coincidence. It was God. God was speaking to me.
I hurridly looked up the verse in my bible. From the minute I saw the verse I knew it. God was truly answering my prayers.
James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
I was so happy and couldn't believe through all this time of my struggles I was so blind to the fact that God was testing me. I had been so blind to everything. I know that God had truly answered my prayers because I know that through all the frustration God was teaching me patience, knowing that I may still not know my purpose here I know that He knows. He'll use me when he wants to use me. He has a perfect timing for everything even when you may not know it. Knowing that I can't lean on my own understanding on what's going on with my mom. I know that God is watching over her and my family. Through out this time I know that I still have a long way to go but I know going through whatever trial I may be going through I know it's only going to make me stronger, and stronger and want to lean onto Him.
