Having Faith Even When Its Hard

My heart has been twisted and truned from the things I have seen and stories I have heard. My eyes have been opened to see beyond my own little workd. I have seen pain and suffering, homeless families, starving children, sickeness, evil – Sometimes I can't help but argue with God, "Why are you allowing these things?"

One of our first days of ministry in Kijabe was going to the hospital. We go around the hospital and talk to, encourage, and pray for the patients. It is difficult because many times there is a language barrier and no one around to translate. I have begun to realize more and more that are presence, smile, and engergy is enough. People are satisifyed with us shaking their hand and just spending time with them. God has revealed to me that us just being there and praying for these peoples makes  difference.

Whats even more difficult though is seeing people suffer, especially children. It is difficult seeing a women (Rose) whose face is completley burned and arms are both casted beacuse her husbands second wife got jealous. The second wife spread gas on her house in the night and lighting it on fire killing Rose's three children leaving Rose and her husband with significant, lifelong physical and emotional injuries. It is hard to hear and see thsese things and still believe and preach that God is a good God. But He is… and he works everything out for our good.

My teammate Breanne and me went to the pediatrich ward for afternoon ministry. Personally, I think this is the hardest ward to visit beacuse of all the sick children that surround you. They may be too young to speak but you know they are in pain. Their parents force a smile but it is so evident that they are suffering as much as their children and don't know what to do… what can they do?

We were walking around kind of amlously just waiting for the holy spirit to lead us. We walked outside of the ward where a few women were sitting on benches with their babies. Only one of the women spoke english, the rest just knew how to say hello, how are you, and fine. So we didn't really talk to them but we were able to communicate with them asking if we could pray. We layed our hands on the babies with huge heads suffering from hydosyphalis and just cried out to God. Both of our hearts were broken and were lost with what to even pray for.

After we got done praying for the women sitting there I look up and theres two new women with their children looking at us. They saw us praying through the window and wanted prayer for their precious baby as well. Breanne and me probably sat out there for atleast a half an hour just praying over a few handful of children. The women were drawn to us… even if they weren't christian they wanted something to believe in and someone to just do something for their child. We were able to be that light and that hope that God as put in us.

We went inside the ward and a girl Yvonne was there… she was seven years old. Neither her or her mom knew any english but her face lit up when she saw us. We held her hands and gave her hugs and she laughed and giggled and hugged us back. When it was time for her to get her shots they put it in her IV that was in her foot. Yvonne's mom waved us over before they did it and moved off the bed so we could sit with her. We held Yvonnes hand and held her down as she screamed so loudly and pain filled. Why does God allow this pain to his beautiful babies?

Its an endless question that we may never have the answer to. But sometimes God allows things he hates to replace them with things he loves. God didn't create this pain and suffering… He does not ilke it. God loves ll of his children and provides us with comfrot and hope to get away from those things. This is where faith comes in. We have faith that despite all the suffering there is goodness to come. Like my man Justin Bieber says… "I kow theres sunshine beyond that rain, I know there's good times beyond that pain."

Its hard wanting to do so much for people when you just can't. All we have to offer is prayer… but thats enough. Thats what we are called to do. We as people cannot heal, God heals. God instills knowledge in doctor's to perform "miracles". Behind everything is the Lord. When we pray we ask God to act and do these great things that we has humans cannot do. We pray for God to heal THROUGH us… not for us to heal. To God goes the glory. All I have to offer these people is prayer… but what better thing could I possibly offer? Everything else is just a temporary bandade. The love of God and our salvation is not temporary… its everlasting.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:7