I’m falling in love.
I know what your thinking. She’s crazy. She’s only 19. Love? She can’t know what that is.
But I’m learning.
Let me backtrack a little.
I’ve always known the idea of love. And as much as some of the people back home might not like the idea, I knew I had a creator that loved me immensely. No matter how much doubt was instilled in me; from family, friends, myself. Something was in the back of my head, wrestling to be brought to the surface.
My head was a war zone, a constant back and forth.
Could this be true?
It can’t.
“But it is.”
How do I know?
LOVE.
How quickly I felt that love, and how quickly I forgot.
And I mean love. Like brought me down to my chair, heart beating out of my chest kind of love. I felt it at training camp, a reassurance of everything I was struggling with. And I made a promise. I would forget myself, and I would follow.
But then I forgot that promise.
I arrived in Maai Mahiu, and it was just so much.
Poverty.
Hurt.
Bars.
But I was falling in love. At least, I thought I was.
I was falling in love with the country, people and landscape.
I was falling in love with what I thought I could do here.
And then we met a man, and he was angry.
So angry that we were coming from America, the land of everything, and here he had nothing. How badly he wanted something to hold on to.
“Karin, shut up. Don’t you see? You can’t fix this country. This city, that is so broken and full of poverty cannot be fixed on your own. This country, it’s blinded. By hate, anger, drunkenness. And there’s not enough money, clothing, or medicine that can fix it. Maai Mahiu, it needs a little light. It needs a little love.”
And I remembered that day. When I felt his love. The love that brought me to tears, that goes beyond explaining. That love can heal. And I see it. The people here that have love, they’re so joyful. In the midst of the mess that is Maai Mahiu. The kids that don’t have a place to lay their head, they are thankful. Thankful for the love they have, thankful for hope.
And I just don’t get it.
That love.
That assurance.
That hope.
That joy.
I want it. More than anything. So I go back, to training camp; where I first felt that love. And I remember the promises that I made.
Jesus, I will follow you to the ends of the earth. You are my home. And I know it will be hard sometimes, I know that not everyone will agree with me.
But I don’t care.
Because that kind of love, its worth it.
You’re worth it.
