From Tuesday September 3, 2013
A week ago yesterday my parents and my friend dropped me off at training camp and since then I have experienced more brokenness and emotions than I ever imagined!
At training camp the Lord told me how much this life is not my own. Since I have been in Africa for 3 days I have experienced the reality of this. He has shown me how much I have relied on my family and friends for comfort and not Him alone. At training camp He began the process of breaking me and stripping me of that comfort. He has not just asked me to give that comfort from them up for possibly 7 months, but this is the beginning of my whole life.
I have had so many moments of wondering, “what the heck am I doing?” But, each time He reminds me that He has called me here and that He is faithful. In the airport I felt the Holy Spirit urge me to ask a woman to sit next to me to eat breakfast and it turned out that she is from Uganda and her name is Ruth. The Lord used her to encourage me so much and we prayed together. Thank you Lord!
The past three days have been some of the hardest days I have ever experienced, but the Lord has showed me His nearness. The first couple of mornings I spent my alone time with Him on the roof of the hotel we are staying at and I have been on my knees crying out to Him. I need and yearn for His strength. If I were to do this out of my own strength I would be on the floor crying every moment.
Everything here is unknown. There is not one thing familiar and I have been struggling with this because I know it could last for 7 months. I am even seeing the Lord in so many new ways and this has been unfamiliar. He has told me that He is still the same, still on His throne, and His love for me has never changed, I am just seeing His heart in new ways. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
He has asked me to give up every single thing I have known for 18 years and every person I love to follow Him. In the midst of my fear and weakness He has told me that an everlasting not just temporary change is going to take place in my heart and I will grow stronger in Him. He is doing a new thing and I must believe and be hopeful in it, for it is good, as He is so good.
As I have prayed and cried for comfort He has given it to me. In my weakness He will grow me strong, just as He promises in 1 Corinthians 12:9-10. The morning before training camp I read Isaiah 40:28-31 to my earthly dad and this week as I read the devotional, Jesus Calling a day late, that verse was in it and I was reminded of that sweet time I had with my dad. As I was turning to it I heard Isaiah 51 and the exact verse on the top of the page was “I, I am He who comforts you.” Isaiah 51:12 Thank you Lord for your comfort!
The Lord is showing me in my brokenness and weakness what true surrender actually looks like. What does it look like to you?
